The First Meeting...

...was this morning at 10am. I dropped my tot off at school and headed to the meeting, talking to myself the entire way:

"Are you sure that you want us to do this? Again?"

"What's going to be different THIS time?"

"You're not really THAT fat, you know...."

"Maybe you should wait and join next month!"

"Do you really want to go? Really, really, REALLLY want to go to this meeting??"

"Shut up, Voices, and just drive to the meeting!"

Needless to say, it was a long ride to the Weight Watcher Center.

But once there, i made myself get out of the Pilot, and walk into the Center. Because i knew that if i sat there, in the safety of my car, i wouldn't go in. And so i slowly, slowly walked towards the Center.

Cheerful women were there to greet me. Of course, they were cheerful, they were already at THEIR goal weight.... I joined using their latest special which signed me up for 9 weeks and didn't require me to pay the joining fee. I did this because i figured (once again....) that if i pre-paid, i would come back.

Yeah, i know, i'm full of hope, aren't i?

I weighed in at 205.6 lbs. Not surprised at that...i bought the calculator, the Dinning Out Companion and the 3-Month food log book. The woman that weighed me was really nice and welcoming....and i was grateful for that. I stumbled off to the meeting area, trying not to wonder if i was the chubbiest person there yet.

Yeah, that's usually the first thing i do when i walk into a room. Pathetic, eh?

I sat towards the front, near the corner. Almost like i was hiding. I pretended to look through all of the things that i bought but what i was really doing, was trying to hide my tears. Tears because i was here at Weight Watchers again, tears because i weighed in at 205.6, tears because i wondered if THIS time i could do it, and tears because i was scared that i would fail.

Again.

I was thrilled when i saw who the leader of the meeting was. It was Janet! She was the same leader that i loved last time and i was happy about that. She's funny, silly, gives out star stickers, hand stickers and goofy things. She makes me feel that it's okay for me to be there at Weight Watchers and that she is cheering for me.

There was about 30-35 women there and 2 men.

It was a fun meeting. And i felt like i truly was in the right place, with the right folks and the right Weight Watcher leader.

Janet handed out brightly colored Popsicle sticks to everyone. Why? To remind you to "STICK to it". I picked out a bright orange colored stick, which is now sitting on top of my kitchen counter, reminding me to "STICK TO IT"!

After the meeting, the "new" folks, who have ALL been Weight Watchers members before like me, listened to Janet about the new program. She joined Weight Watchers two previous times before things finally fell in place for her at her third time at joining. She lost 60+ pounds on Weight Watchers on her third try.

Here is some news: Get this, ALL fruit and ALL veggies are free! No points to them! Even bananas!!! F-R-E-E! How stinkin' amazing is that?!?! All of us "new" folks listened to Janet and kept asking questions. And i actually made a friend. She and i swapped email addresses and promised to keep up with each other.

I left feeling hopeful. Hopeful that maybe, just maybe i can do this.

Hopeful.

It's a good place to be right now.

I'll go shopping later today for the things i need. I'll read through all of my handouts and books and get my stuff in order to start this part of my life. I think that i'm making peace with the fact that i will have to eat this way the rest of my life. I don't like that, but if it means that i'm healthy, if it means that i'll pass along how to be healthy to my daughter, then so be it, i'll make the changes that i need to make.

It's time.