An update....

....of sorts just to keep myself moving along. You know, as opposed to standing still and not moving at all, which seems to happen a lot of the time around here. Of course, i don't know if i stand still or move in circles; either way, i seem to end up in the same spot!

Things are okay. Not good, not great, but okay.

I still have hope, i think, that i can do this healthy thing. Really, though, it shouldn't be that hard to do the healthy thing because i know that it's the right thing to do, not only for me, but for everyone around me. I sometimes wonder if it's not more for them than for me...

In late December, we got a puppy. Pickles is a Shiffon and is cute as a button. She is now my walking partner. Every day after i drop off Emma at school, i come back and grab Pickles and her leash and we walk. It's the best thing ever...and she and i both feel great afterwards. I truly should have begged my husband for a dog much sooner!

More later....more later.

So, this is what....

....i've decided to do now.

No, i'm not going to eat grass.

I'm going to do my 'own' program.

Yeah.

Brillant, eh?

My 'own' program is going to consist of combining ww with The ViSalus Sciences® Body by Vi™.

Yes, yes, it's a 'shake' program. I don't sell it, no one pays me to say this, but dang it, those shakes are fantastic and keep me full. I think that what i like most about combining these two programs is that it makes it 'stupid-simple' for me. Two shakes a day, two snacks a day and a healthy meal at dinner. No thinking required of me to plan; i can have whatever flavor of shake i want twice a day and plan my dinner (or lunch).

I need 'stupid-simple'.

This way, perhaps, i can stop thinking about food. I constantly think about food. What i want to eat, what i shouldn't eat, what i can maybe eat....all day long. I know that i can't banish food from my life. But i have to find a way to minimize how i think, act, feel towards it.

I'm not a dog.

Food isn't a reward.

It's fuel to keep my body healthy.

I recently lost my 'motivation notebook'. It's nothing fancy, just an oversize journal that i picked up at Wally World. It's got motivational photos, inspirational quotes, ideas, recipes, thoughts, doodles and stuff taped in it....it looks like a scrapbook that threw up on it's self when you open it. I was upset that i lost it as i use it quite a bit. Yesterday evening, i got a call from someone who found my notebook and wanted to return it to me, but with an odd request. She wanted to know if it was okay if she copied some of the stuff i had written and taped in my notebook. Are you kidding? Of course she could! I got my notebook back this morning and i couldn't say thank you enough. I also ran by Wally World to pick up a notebook like mine for my new friend so she could start her own notebook. I am so glad that i put my name and number in my notebook, even though i felt goofy when i did it.

I'm starting a clean slate with this 'program' of mine, so i'll start keeping track weekly on how things are progressing. I am also thinking about getting some photos of myself taken. I truly hate the idea, but i need to see and have a starting documented starting photo no matter how i desperately hate the idea. My friend Donna had this done, and i think it's a fantastic idea no matter how much i hate the idea. :)

Off to do my day....starting with a walk with Pickles.

Power to Choose

I have just started taking a class called "Power to Choose". Tonight, in fact, is our second class. We'll meet once a week for 15 weeks because to meet any more than once a week would be complete torture to discuss the chapter we are covering. The book is based on the 12 Steps from Alcoholic Anonymous, which deals with how to overcome your addictions.

What addictions do i have, you ask?

Really? You need to ask?

Food. Sugar. Sweets.

I have only completed the questions for the First Step.

I can see that this book and i are not going to be the best of friends at times already. The hard questions it tends to ask, the no-fluff attitude and reasoning can hit you right between the eyes and make you see, finally, why you are the way you are with certain things (read: why i eat like i am afraid that there will be a shortage of food and my fat @ss will starve) and why the actions that you've taken up till now have not worked completely failed.

Yeah.

It's that kinda book.

Hooray.

My group is also a very small group: there are only six of us, including the instructor and her assistant. No way to hide in this group, which is what i like to try. It is interesting how while all of the women in my group are physically different, we have all come to a place in our lives which is unmanageable. We are at our ends at trying to figure out how to fix the things that "drive our bus". I am in good company in this group as we are all struggling, it seems. I am comfortable in this group of women so far, but i'm not one to share easily so this will push me to open up and be honest.

I don't know if sharing here is a good idea or not; i have a notebook that was suggested that we use to scribble our thoughts, answer to questions and that kind of stuff that i've been using. I am surprised at how much i've written (we are to journal nightly) as i didn't think i would have that much to write.

One thing is for sure...this is just another part of the journey.