...is almost here. Another year has passed in which i have stayed the same. That means 365 days have gone by with me promising myself that i would change; and 365 days of that not happening.
Impressive, yes?
Not so much. In fact, not impressive at all. It is sad however, very sad. It also means that i have failed again. It is even sadder that i am not really surprised that i have failed at this. And i wonder, what exactly it will take for me to be successful. A heart attack? A stroke, perhaps? To get even more unhealthier? To gain even more weight and reach a size 18? Because all of these things are a possibility in my life if i don't stop this insanity of pretending to get healthy.
I sometimes think to myself "Shit or get off the pot, for heavens sake!". I don't think that you can do healthy part of the way....either you do it or you don't. Is that the problem? Honestly, i don't know. I truly don't know. Maybe i have a sick death wish...i do know that i am so very tired of being sick and tired. I am also running out of time, i think, to make these changes. I am 45 years old, you know. It is almost a 'now or never' situation, although i guess 'better late than never' could also apply, too.
And so, here i am again, at almost the start of another year, promising that i will do better, that i will do my best to change my ways.
Lots to think about...
