Monday, March 26, 2012

Temper

One of the things i try not to do is yell and lose my temper at my little daughter. I still remember how it felt to be yelled at at a young age (it's a Spanish thing, i think....we yell and forgive in the time span of 5 seconds) and it felt horrible to have someone so much bigger than me yell at me.

I lost my temper about an hour ago at my little daughter.

She is sleeping now, hands tucked under her little chin like she is saying her prayers.

I feel horrible.

Why did i lose my temper?

I was folding laundry in the bedroom and i heard some noises coming from the kitchen. My little snack monster had gotten into the little bags of cookies, which to be honest with you, i shouldn't have in this house anyway. The little bags of cookies are the perfect size for her to have as a treat for after school with a glass of milk though. I think that maybe what i'm upset about: i am using cookies as a 'treat' for her. You know, "if you have a good day at school, you can have a treat!" kinda thing.

Of course, truth be told, i'm upset with myself and not her....

I desperately don't want her to have my eating habits. I don't want sugar to be considered a 'food' group for her. I don't want her to think of food as 'treats'. I want her to see food as i wish i could see it: fuel for our bodies. Somewhere along the line, i started seeing food as the reason for everything. Need to celebrate? Let's get great food! Holiday? Let's get great food! Are we sad? Let's get great food! Are we happy? Hooray! Let's get lots of great food.

I don't want her to be like me.

I don't want food to be her friend.


Sunday, March 25, 2012

A Very Long Weekend...


Note to self: Never, ever, EVER let your husband go to Costco alone and hungry. Trust me on this one, folks. He came back with more garbage (read: cupcakes, bagels, etc) than either one of us need. While i can blame him for bringing it to the house, i can't blame him for me eating two (sigh) carrot cake cupcakes. I should have followed my first instinct and thrown those freakin' cupcakes in the trash as soon as i saw them....but nope, i didn't.

Why is just walking away from food (okay, not 'good' food, but cupcakes!) so hard? Why do i hear this voice inside saying: "Oh, you have worked SO hard these past few days! It won't hurt! Look at it as a "reward"...." You would think that i was a dog the way i reward myself with treats!

sigh.....

woof

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Re-Sparking....


....again. You would think that it would be easier to just keep "the Spark" alive instead of letting it burn out, yes? And yet, it seems i haven't learned this yet. I am thinking that perhaps i should just set my self on fire each morning so this won't happen again.

For those of you who don't know what "Spark" is, it is this: an AMAZING website to help you get a 'spark' to get healthy and to lose weight. There are boards to meet others who are like you, there is a place to log your food, a place to log your exercise, a place to blog, graphs/tracking/tickers for your weight and a place to meet others who are on the same journey that you're on. There are SIMPLE EASY plans to follow. There is even a recipe site attached to Spark with a gazillion recipes! Every think you need to get healthy and fit is right there.

The very best thing about Spark?

It's TOTALLY FREE!

FREE, FREE, FREE, FREEEEE!

All of it....okay, if you want to buy The Spark Book, it'll cost you a little. To buy the Boot Camp video costs a little, too. But honestly, The Spark website is amazing.

If you want to check it out yourself, you can click HERE

Okay, off my Spark soapbox!

It is scary to look back and to see how long i've been talking about getting healthy. I seem to have wasted a lot of time talking, planning, thinking, talking some more instead of just following the suggestions of Spark and picking three small goals and starting from there. I must think that i am a professional Sparking or something! If i would just FOLLOW the plan that is here; that's all i have to do. It's already all done for me. It's already proven to work. Instead, i have "planned" my own way.....which has lead me back to the same exact starting point each and every time. It's almost like Ground Hog Day for me!

One day at a time.

One hour at a time.

One moment at a time.

One second at a time.

It is apparent to me that i need more help with getting on the bandwagon, so i've found a therapist. I have to figure out what in the heck is going on. One thing is for sure, though: i am following The Spark plan. I have picked out my three mini-goals to start with. I am making my motivation sheet. I am going to blog. And i am going to drink the water. I am to the point where i don't give a flip how long it takes me, i am going to get healthy and lose this weight....i am rock bottom and there is no where to go but up from where i am.

Rock bottom is not a good place to be. It is like a pit of despair that you can't seem to get out of or shake off. It is a sad, rotten place to be. I've been here for a bit now, and if i don't get out soon, i'm worried at what i would do to get healthy.

Yeah, it sucks that much. :o/

Even the sight of Spring has not helped me much. Spring is the time of re-birth and new beginnings, right? I have to get help with this. I have to...

Wish me good vibes, my friends....please.


Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Needing Friends....


A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'

'Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women. your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.

BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are
between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you....Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family: all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

~ Author Unknown



Monday, February 27, 2012

It's Monday...


....and the start to another week. I feel a bit better and not so much into my funk as i did. I am grateful for that; i know that i tend to rub off on my little family when i'm like that. If i am in a mood, i cast a large shadow around me, engulfing everything in my path.

I'm doing my Body By Vi shakes....honestly, i have to admit that i love those shakes. Those shakes are a no-brainer for me and so easy to fix. I can fix whatever flavor i want and there are so many recipes that others have shared. The fact that i can pour it into a large cup and run out the door with it if i'm running late is a HUGE plus, too. I need as little 'let me think about this' as i can get most days and these shakes, well, they fill that need. I eat dinner with the family and i'm good. So, lets see how my progress goes, yes?

Beautiful spring-like day today. I love this kind of weather. It truly puts me in a better frame of mind to be outside and be active. I can feel my skin drink up the sun as i am in it. It's a good feeling and a great re-charger.

Off to enjoy my day...


Monday, February 20, 2012

Here's an idea....

...that just might work! So i'm off to find some great lipstick, fantastic jewelry and some amazing shoes!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Never enough?

It is another one of those days where I wish I could crawl back into bed, pull the covers over my head and just stay there, hidden from the world.

I have so much to do and yet no will or motivation to do any of it. It is almost as if I don't care. How can that be? How and why do I get like this? I don't care if I eat or not, I don't care if I grab a shower or not, I don't seem to care that I have so much that I need to get done.

I do know this: I am tired of thinking about food, about planning menus, about my weight, about my stomach, my heart and the scale. I feel like I am just never enough...never smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough or organized enough.

I feel like I am never enough.

Maybe this mood has come about from the 15-week class I am taking called Power to Choose. I am only in my third week and yet while I can feel God stirring in my heart, I feel like I am stuck in a pit of hopelessness. There are 12-Steps to this program, and I swear, the steps are getting harder instead of becoming easier!

A nap.

Yes, I think I would like a nap.

If you are inclined to do the praying thing, please pray for peace of mind for me....many thanks.