Fourth Weigh In....

...was a surprise. I had been in Atlanta, visiting and taking care of a dear friend who has cancer and is in home hospice care. Eating, well, was a bit of a challenge as food was being delieverd by her many friends. Amazing food, btw...amazing. The church women of the South are the most amazing cooks. I did take fruit with me, but i ate just enough to keep me from being hungry.

On Saturday morning, i had a banana on the drive down, and another banana when i stopped for gas. For lunch, i had 1/2 a slice of sourdough bread with a smear of egg salad and a ton of water. For dinner, i had a cup of spaghetti and the other half of the sourdough bread.

On Sunday morning, i had a 1-in brownie with a cup of milk. For lunch, i had a 1/2 of a slice of sourdough bread with a slice of roast beef and much more water. Dinner was the other half of the sourdough bread with a smear of egg salad.

And i drank a lot of water while i was there.

Maybe that was the factor that helped me loose this week...

Whatever the factor was, i was just thrilled that there was another loss for me.

Weekend Trip....

I'm leaving in the morning to visit a friend who is now in Hospice Care. I'm scared to go...i have know this friend for over 20 years and my heart aches for her and her family. I'm her "fun" friend, full of laughs and jokes but i don't know if i can pull this off this time. It's hard saying good-bye.

I'm worried about my food, but really, i don't even feel like eating. I didn't eat till one pm today, which wasn't smart, but i just wasn't hungry. I need to get some snacks together so i'll do that tonight.

I'm glad for the 5 hr drive as that will give me some time to myself.

I have a feeling that i'll need it.

I'm reading....

...yet another diet book. Well, it's not really a diet book, it's more of a "how to stick to it" for 100 days book. It asks all kinds of questions at the end of each day to make you think about your actions and why you've been the way you've been. Apparently, one hundred days is suppose to be a "magical amount of time" that forces you to stay focused and consistent so your efforts will last longer.

The name of the book is "100 Days of Weight Loss: The Secret to Being Successful on Any Diet Plan" by Linda Spangle. I'm actually enjoying it as i read it on my phone.

The first thing you are suppose to do is write down 10 reasons why you want to lose weight and maintain. Here's my list:

1. Feel better
2. Keep up with my daughter
3. Have more energy
4. Learn to be a runner
5. Be healthier/not almost a diabetic
6. Wear shorts/fitting shirts and not be embarrassed
7. Fit into clothes that don't come out of Lane Bryant
8. Be more attractive
9. Not be embarrassed when i have to weigh in at doctor's office
10. Not be embarrassed to work out.

This is the list of reasons that you're suppose to come back to remind you why you are doing this and why you will stick with it.

I've already read into week 2 of this book, but have not written down the answers to the questions at the end of each day. So, i'm going to go back and do that. I will do anything that will help me move forward instead of backwards!

I'm glad that i found this book.

Here I am...

...pulling my hands away from my face, peeking out to the world ahead of me.

A world that i want to be in with me as a healthy woman.

Not letting weight stop me from doing things that i want to do.

Not letting weight stop me from dreaming of the things i want to do.

Not letting weight stop me from anything.

I'm going to stop the negative thoughts that invite themselves along everywhere i go, just waiting to have their moment where they pipe up with their ugly talk.

Good thoughts, Little Piggy, only good thoughts....

I need to love me like my husband and daughter do!

Third Weigh In

Today was my third weigh in.

I lost a pound.

And i got my "5 POUNDS LOST" sticker and a "BRAVO" sticker.

I feel silly for being so excited about the stickers. But i don't care...i stuck them on my Weigh In booklet, trying to hide my big smile.

The door is opening, just a crack, to my new, healthier lifestyle.

I'm ready to sling it wide open...

Well then....

...this morning, since it is a Sunday, i decided to hop on our scale. Not sure why, as i've tried to stay a far away from the scale as i can except for weigh-in morning. I stepped on the scale and it read:

199.8

I'm doing this. I am really doing this WW thing. Granted, it's been day by day and at times, minute by minute, but i'm doing it. I'm doing it.

To say that i'm cautiously thrilled is an understatement. Because i still hear those voices of self doubt, telling me that i'll fail at this yet again. That i will always be the FAT chubby mommy. That i'll never get healthy. That i won't ever change and i'll always be the same, with the same horrible habits that got me here to begin with.

I have quite a bit to go till i reach my goal of 130 lbs.

In fact, i have 69 lbs, to be exact.

But that's okay, because my new habits need time to become my daily habits.

I've made peace with the fact that i'll have to weigh some of my food, and measure the rest of it. It is what it is, as my husband tells me. If i have to measure and weigh myself to my goal, then so be it.

I'll do it.

One meal at a time.

One day at a time.

And this......

....is what i use as inspiration when i am ready to throw in the towel and give up.